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I suppose I could date for casual sex now, but those kinds of hookups are not what I want.It’s become clear that if I’m going to date for a relationship, I need to drop my assumptions and reframe my expectations about the whole dating experience.If you both start out with a tail wag, you’ve got the potential to be partners.When the scent is strong neither of you will have to ask or wonder, “What’s next?___I’ve been married and divorced twice, so I know a bit about relationships, but I’m not all that good at dating … When I was last on the scene, my goal was sex, not establishing relationship compatibility. I have trouble sitting back and letting things flow. Like many of us who married on the young side, I’m new at dating, or at least at dating for a relationship.As you say goodbye, do you feel warm fuzzies or a cool lack of resonance?The mood at parting is your best indication of where things are going. “OK, see ya later,” can mean “probably not,” but wide eyes and upturned lips mean you’ll probably being see her again … Getting Into the Groove Beyond the dates comes the relating.
So I’m going to share what I’ve learned about post-divorce dating, to help solidify (for me) and simplify (for you) the issues I’ve been working through as I recalibrate my dating style.All the texting and flirting via email and even phone calls are moot the second you meet in person.If I’m going to schedule a date these days, the woman has to absolutely amaze me—and I don’t mean her photo—2.My brain on “yes” skips ahead to all kinds of questions, from “does she play tennis? ” At the same time, my animal brain locks onto physical characteristics: a dark glint in her eyes, a soft vulnerable spot on the side of her neck, a whiff of her perfume … To come back to the present and focus on who my date is (not what I might do with her), I continuously pull my attention back to the conversation, even as my blood is rushing downward instead of up to my brain.I use little tricks to keep track of what she’s saying.