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There are also times when I feel like my white partners are trying to overcompensate for their whiteness. Does it give them a sense of moral superiority around other white people, as if they are more progressive?
They start social justice conversations, bringing up racism and homophobia almost as if they're trying to prove how down they are. Does it make them feel less guilty about gentrifying the neighbourhood?
But the older I get, the more I find myself wanting a partner who can relate to me without needing to be taught.
I’ve become increasingly drawn to the concept of Black love, which celebrates Black couples and affirms Black pride within relationships, and I eventually want to experience this.
Statements like "no fats or fems" or "no Blacks or Asians" litter profiles in hookup communities on Grindr, Jack'd, and similar platforms.
Thankfully, marginalised queer communities have started to call out those hurtful comments as acts of discrimination rather than statements of preference.
He wrote, "As Black men, we need to value ourselves so much that no outside force, no prejudice — even one guised as preference — can make us feel second place." Clearly, this dialogue wasn’t only happening in my head.
A larger conversation about the racist, fat-phobic, and misogynist language of gay dating apps has also begun, which has allowed me to see that my dating prospects may also be a result of problematic societal messaging.
The ways in which I have been objectified and fetishised by them has often made me feel that I’m only good enough for sex and not for a relationship.And when I scroll through Grindr’s grid of faceless torsos, I find myself only messaging guys with complexions lighter than a paper bag.Even in person, when I’m trying to muster up the courage to talk to a cute guy, I first wonder if he’s "into black guys." I hate myself for even having to contemplate these things, and I’m now left asking myself: And the more I think about it, the more complicated the answer seems. The only gay people I saw in the media were white, and the few Black queer celebrities that I knew of, like Wanda Sykes and Michael Sam, were in interracial relationships.Could we all be perpetuating internalised racism by consciously, or even unconsciously, excluding Black men and other men of colour as romantic prospects?And in doing that, are we only reinforcing the politics of desire that deem Black people less attractive?